Tuesday, August 7, 2012

God, Grant me the Serenity....

I don't know how many times I repeated that prayer to myself in the first three or four years of my efforts to stay sober and to clean up my life.  This weekend, the hottest that I have seen in a long time, was the 25th anniversary of my last drunk.  Some of you were around and will probably not remember the circumstances, or worse, you do remember the circumstances.  Nevertheless, twenty-five years of sobriety is worth celebrating, and at least recognizing, if for no more than to help someone, anyone, who still struggles with alcohol.

I will forever be thankful to  those folks, mostly Alcoholics Anonymous members, who showed me that I could live my life free of booze, and who helped me in those first years of anxiety, depression, and worry.  Some of my AA friends are still alive and sober, and their lives are a testament to the program and a demonstration that people can in fact make their lives into a productive and worthwhile endeavour.

It goes without saying that I had a strong desire 25 years ago to see my children grow and become adults.  It would seem that the beautiful people who have evolved from those kids have certainly kept their part of the bargain, and I in turn fully intend on keeping that momentum, energy, and Love growing as we move forward in life.

I plan on exercising an option on another 25 years of Sobriety so that I can be around for the next ages and stages of all those that I love and cherish.  Whether it is Family, Tribe, or clan, there is an alignment of energy and values which need to be shared and to be celebrated amongst Friends and relatives, and those connections should never be denied, dismissed, or denigrated.   When we allow life to separate us from our friends and family, or we purposively move away from those connections, we are harming our   Souls, and feeding those demons that can serve up some might dangerous lessons, if we are not careful.

I could not have reached a point in my life where I felt that the earth had moved in a postive and meaningful direction away from the need to have a drink if I had not fully embraced the concept of foregiveness.   I needed to forgive myself for my many mistakes, and I needed to forgive those who had trespassed against me.  Neither avenue is without pain and self-doubt, and I am still walking down those pathways, but I am reassured that there is no other way but to forgive.


A little over a month ago, I started this blog, partially to provide myself with a basis to reflect on  a reality which was rapidly changing for me.  Retirement is not something that I have done, on any level.  The connotation behind the word suggests that one is moving away from something.  I feel that I have been moving towards something fo the pat 25 years, and that in the process of seeing the world through a lens which has been achieved through lots of work on the valleys within my own psyche.

When I met "Guy" in Waglisla last month, I was shaken to the core: I had not seen another malmute like him since my old friend "Nootka" had passed.  Again, there are some of you who will remember the  King of the Dogs, as he was known in Bella Bella.

The fact that I have not met, seen or run across another Malmute like Nootka until I returned to Bella Bella tells me that I am on the right track, even though it may only be my train, and no one elses'.  I am happy to believe that I am catching enough good vibrations to follow my instincts and to continue to discover that there are many more moments of Serendipity in Life which are meant to be experienced and relished with a full and open mind.

On one level, I am talking about the unconditional love which one can give and receive from our so-called animal friends.  On another level, I am pointing out that there are magical points in all of our lives  that, if we are fully awake and functional, can become magical and reaffirming of our need to have a belief in a Higher Power.